These past few weeks have probably been the most difficult of my mission so far for a variety of different reasons. One reason was feeling the actual need to be here. My companion is so wonderful and I know she has her faults (everyone does) but that does not change anything else about her. She is a great example and I look up to her so much. In so many ways I wish I was more like her. She's hard working, she loves missionary work more than anything, she's an excellent teacher, and she goes by the spirit in all things. She connects with people really well and people can easily trust her. People are just naturally drawn to her. I know that I got the best companion in the mission! And while I have been striving to do the best I really love missionary work- I just felt like I was needed more at home than in California. Sometimes you get things stuck in your head that people have told you and you try not to let these things get to you but the things that have been said or done hurt- especially when all complied together and then you start to wonder why.
I started to reflect my purpose and I really started to feel that I would be accomplishing and helping more at home. I could be earning money, getting farther in my education, being with my friends and family and helping them in whatever they need. The desire that I had to serve a mission from when I was 18 and 19 was gone but I knew that there was some purpose for me being here so I was going to stay and finish my mission because the Lord told me countless times that there is a reason for my mission and that I needed to go. I did not want to go home and felt like I gave up and simply just quit because of things people have said to me and how I have felt. I wanted to stick it out. But I honestly have never absolutely LOVED my mission. I liked it and was enjoying the experience. But love? No. Changing me? No.
One night Sister Jefferies and me were talking and she told me, "Live every day like it's the only reason your out here." For some reason that really struck me. And it's obviously a "duh" statement but I never thought of it that way before. I was waiting till I was more experienced in the mission field, maybe it would happen when I got to a new area. But living each day for my purpose. It's not some day in the future- it's now. That's why the Lord wants me to be here. And since then I know that I have changed. I have felt it and I have really started to love my mission and have gained a deeper love for the people that I am teaching. Sister Jefferies said that the way that you know that you truly love your investigators is when that's all you can think of. You spend your time thinking of any way that you can help them. What they need to progress in the Gospel. And now that's really all I can think of. Before I was thinking of home A LOT more than I should have. Things and people I missed, what I would be doing now, etc.. Now, it's a lot less and the people that I am serving have been on my mind and how I can help them grow closer to the Savior. It's amazing how much your thoughts have an effect on you. And I have flipped the switch. I have grown to really love serving a mission. Now I'm here because I really want to be- not simply because the Lord told me to be. This past month I have really felt the mission changing me. I'm simply not going through the emotions of serving a mission, but I'm really starting to feel it change me.
A few weeks ago was also a hard time with one of the people that we are teaching. But it was also a time that I realized how much I love the Book of Mormon and how much I value and treasure the things that it says. Sister Jefferies and I bore our testimony and started bearing our testimony of the Book of Mormon. Sister Jeffeires went first and she cried. Then I followed and I said my thoughts from my personal study that morning. I was reading the Book of Mormon and I was thinking how much I love and treasure the book and how it has made such a huge difference in my life. And I started crying. This Gospel has brought so much joy into my And I know that this is the true church of Jesus Christ and the Book of Mormon is 100% true. It's been a huge blessing in my life. I love it.
We had the ward party Trunk or Treat on Wednesday. That was so much fun! I was Alice from Alice in Wonderland and Sister Jefferies was Minnie Mouse. It was really fun to dress up and we were still in "mission clothes" with our name tag. It was really fun to dress up as Disney characters for the ANAHEIM mission. I love you all! And I miss you so much! But as you know, I would not want to come home. I love this mission and I love serving my Savior. A mission has been such a blessing in my life, especially this past month. I was going to bed one night and I was thinking how much I have learned and grown since coming out here. I was wondering why I did not do certain things a certain way at home. And then I realized it's because of my mission. It's definitely been a huge blessing in my life!!! And I love it!
Love, Sister Clifton
